Monday, May 08, 2006

Assasinate PharmaMaster

Spam is the putrid funk of the universe; it's the sulfur in your nostrils on a springtime picnic in the countryside. We all know what it is and we all know the people who send this junk out are penis-less aborations in the otherwise decent track record of Human civilization. I setup an E-mail address for my daughter as a placeholder when she actually has use for it. She's never E-mailed anyone yet gets 10 Spam messages a day offering longer lasting erections and low cost pharmaceuticals. A 2 year old girl has use for neither.

I tried a half-dozen methods to stem the mongoloid tide, but all came up short. I thought I'd try Blue Frog, an anti-spam service that works like the no-call list. You forward spam to them and they ask the spammers to remove you. If they don't, then blue frog uses your computer to send opt-outs to the websites the spammers are pushing, multiply this by a couple hundred thousand (or millions) of computers and the people who pay the spammers start getting the message.

It actually worked.

Then some pinko spammer that goes by the self-gratifying moniker PharmaMaster, hacked the no-spam list and threatened to double or quadripule the spam he sends out if you don't cancel your blue frog service.

Well that Russian spammer can lick my harry bean bag. I endorse the Blue Frog anti-spam ware. It works. There may be a settling in period while the commie makes good on his word, but fuck him and his moon-faced whore of a mother.

I therefore am taking a bounty out on him. I know that after the end of Cold War, there's bound to be a couple of down-on-his-luck ex-KGB "special talent" people roaming around the former Soviet Union. I am offering a brand new (with tag) pair of American blue jeans for the first man to "take care of" PharmaMaster. I'm not saying kill... read the last sentence... "take care of". It's fairly open-ended and I believe this absolves me of all responsibility.

After "it" is done, just comment to this blog update with proof, and your American blue jean size in inches (waist/inseam). I was thinking Levis-Straus or Gap, but I'm pretty flexible on the brand and styling (regular, stone-washed, etc.) I don't think they make white jeans or acid-washed, but am more than willing to look around, or surf eBay.

Good night and good luck.

16 Comments:

Blogger trinamick said...

I hate spammers with the fire of a thousand suns. But I have enough pants.

11:12 AM  
Blogger Stellar said...

How about a nice lab-created ruby bracelet?

11:52 AM  
Blogger trinamick said...

I think we could work out a deal.

3:01 PM  
Blogger Farrago said...

Okay, but ARE your erections long-lasting enough? You never straightened us out on that. Er, um... no pun intended....

2:03 PM  
Blogger Stellar said...

They last just long enough, thank you.

8:05 AM  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

I actually did not need to know that.

5:45 PM  
Blogger Stellar said...

Ruined the suprise, did I?

Waiting for your 10,000 Days review, btw.

9:29 AM  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

Hey! It's June! Anything new?

10:32 AM  
Blogger fermicat said...

July... Ditto.

12:07 PM  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

I ditto the ditto, which was a ditto of my request for more.

12:08 PM  
Blogger Stellar said...

Jesus, it's almost August.

Negligent mofo.

Oh... it's me. Nevermind.

word verification: norks

6:16 PM  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

It IS August. At least you aren't dead. That's a relief.

9:09 PM  
Blogger fermicat said...

September now. Did PharmaMaster assassinate Stellar?

7:39 PM  
Blogger trinamick said...

Surely by October, something significant has happened here. Right? Helloooo?

9:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:35 PM  
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1:14 AM  

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